When I focus on something, I really focus. It might be for only a split second, but I'm fully there – that split second – focusing! A week later.…I decided that crossed-out sentence was a total lie. Sorry! I meant to say…when I need to focus on something, I can, but only for about a split second before I get distracted. Nope, don't even mention that initialism – a new word I just learned, thanks Wikipedia! - that starts with an A and ends with DD or DHD! I don't like labels or excuses for myself. We're talking about a simple lack of self-discipline in my case. Back to a week ago…
Lately I've been focusing – because I so desperately need to do so – on getting healthy. Remember that pesky ankle with the torn ligaments and whatnot last year (!). It still gives me trouble. As does my back and neck. But…
I cannot bask in self-pity and act like I'm unhealthy just because of some pain, even if one of my favorite sayings is "Woe is me. Oh, lack-a-day." (Shakespeare, I think. Did you say it aloud yet? You should. It's catchy.)
Anyway, as I was saying, I really cannot bask in pity when I know that I'm not exactly eating just right (okay, virtually no veggies is so not right). And I cannot say, "woe is me" with any sincerity when I know that typing on the computer burns just 1 calorie per hour*, yet I'm calling it "plenty enough exercise for the day."
I can't think of what it was that woke me up, but about 3 weeks ago, I decided that enough is enough. I'm going to work on exercise, work on my ankle's range of motion, work on getting my back and neck less painful, and I'm even going to hope that in all that working, I'll lose some weight. It makes me cringe when I write the latter, because I think America is so wrongly obsessed with thinness in women, but I'm not talking about the need to be an intangible perfect, just the need to be healthy. Unhealthy fat is just plain old unhealthy, and so it must leave.
So…I've been focusing. My camera has a light film of dust on it, the website I wanted to work on is gathering cyber-webs and I have digital photos from four months ago that I have yet to post anywhere, even if just on a photo-hosting site where I should upload them for safekeeping.
Still. Although I miss my camera, this blog, and uploading photos, I'm also secure in the truth that I need this. Until New Year's Eve, a date to reassess, I've contracted with myself to F O C U S on health.
I hope I can balance life with my focus well enough to keep up with photographing and writing, too, but at least for now, while I'm trying to get myself motivated and while I'm so new at this life change, I may not be around quite as often as I used to. I'm not sitting on my behind quite as much, you know.
What are you focusing on?