I just about killed my other blog.
I hit a corner. Not a roadblock, but a corner. A three-sided corner…which isn't really a corner, I suppose, but bear with me – that's not the point.
On one side, I was blocked with our eldest leaving the nest because that brought up all 10,000 abandonment/attachment/somesortofoddity issues that I have, and I was falling apart inside.
On another side, there was that gunk that came up a few times over the past year and to which I finally said, ENOUGH! in a very assertive, non-missionary-kid-like way.
And on one side, there was that I can't please everyone, so I stopped trying to please anyone. Which didn't please everyone. Not even me.
And so. I left the blog alone for most of a year, visiting only to copy/paste an old post when the guilt was too much.
This month, after a Summer of healing, and after the college kid left home and I actually survived (!), I woke up one day and decided that since it was going to die anyway, I had nothing to lose in making the other blog mine.
I'm redesigning it how I would like it to look, without a concern over what the experts say it should look like. I'm writing it how I want to write it, without concern if I'm offending the very conservative or the very secular, both of whom like to tell me that something I highlight isn't what they'd like to see, and then they threaten to unsubscribe.
I used to go, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I want to do it just right for you."
And now I'll go, "So," but not in a you-don't-matter way, but in an I-will-be-a-loyal-bestfriend-to-me way.
Want to know what's funny? Not ha-ha funny, but odd-funny…
By making the other blog mine, it's becoming fun to blog there again. I'm excited about things again. I'm mostly happy that I can help people walk through the trails I've cleared of tangled brush (also known as "you learning from my mistakes").
And even crazier, my ad revenue is up and my numbers are up and I'm all whaaaaat?! Isn't that cool? Through all of this, I remembered something:
When we're authentic, we're unique…and when we're unique, we're magnetic.
p.s. I'm closing comments on this blog for a time. It's not you – it's me. I need to have no editors in my head for a while, so I can get back to finding myself again. Sometimes, we must have silence in order to hear our own voice.